All-Notions

i have a big situation that is eating me up.

I have a friend who I consider my best friend. But the problem is that I don’t think he cares for me as much as i want to believe. He has tons of other friends, some of whom I sort of call friends but not really. He is always hanging out with them, but never hangs out with me.

We have been friends for 7 years and never once have we been any where together with just us. We have only hung out together 2 times that aren’t at school and each time it was with another friend of ours. whenever I mention us hanging out he always says yes but never mentions it again or changes his mind. He stood me up once and when I confronted him about it he sort of laughed it off. He said he was sorry but I am not quite sure. There have been times when I suggested that we go to a movie and he changes his mind but i later find out that he does end up going with other friends who have asked him after me and he never even bothered to invite me or tell me that he changed his mind or had other plans. He always seems so ready to hang with other people and not me. His birthday recently came up and I asked what he wanted to do for it and he said that he hasn’t decided and never mentioned it again. but when i was browsing through his comments on myspace a girl he knows commented him like 2 days after his b-day about them going out to dinner and how much fun they had. But he never told me that.
Also very recently he came back from out of town and told me that he was too tired to hang out with anyone. But later said that he had hung out with another friend. He said that he didnt want to upset her by saying no but he tells me no all the time and he is not the type to do something if he doesn’t want to. I just feel that he doesn’t appreciate me as a friend or that he is ashamed to be seen with me in public. I mean i’m not ugly but there are prettier girls that he hangs with but i am better looking than some that he hangs out with alot. So i don’t necessarily think it’s shame. But what is it? Am I over reacting or should I re-evaluate our friendship? I mean he has good qualities about him, and is a really nice guy at heart. But maybe i’m just trying to convince myself of something that is not true. We don’t talk on the phone often and i find that i call him more than he calls me. We do have great conversations that last for hours but idk why i’m always the one calling. I’m not really jealous of him spending time with others I’m just hurt that there is never time for me even if it were in a group with other ppl atleast. but he never invites me when he goes with other ppl to places. The main reason I consider him my best friend was because he was the first friend i ever had but i guess thats no reason to choose him as a best friend. But some of his friends talk about me behind my back and it seems that he doesn’t stick up for me. I always knew they didn’t care for me and that the only reason they talk to me is because he talks to me. I feel like an outsider all the time. There are only to other friends in my life who i am very close to who don’t treat me like an outsider and who actually invite me places. Could it be that all this time I have not been seeing how great they are because of him?

P.S. sorry it is so lengthy but i just had to get it all out. Thanks

First off don’t be sorry for it being “lengthy”, your welcome to get it all out when ever you need too here.

You say he was your first friend and that was 7 years ago, so I am going to guess early to mid teenagers? The main thing is not to blame yourself. Have you ever tried explaining to him that he seems to ignore you when you are out, and that you want to go out alone and are tired of stuff coming up every time? It may just be because of “that age” as people say, but if he keeps ignoring you demote him to “a friend” instead of “best friend”.

You also say your the one always calling him, you could try calling him less. If he values your friendship he’d notice and and ask you about it. I’m not saying ignore him completely or just stop calling, but less frequently to see what happens. If it doesn’t affect anything then re-evaluate the friendship, but if he’s good at heart as you say and he is just going through a phase, he may come to his senses eventually, but how long are you willing to wait?

The other two friends you mention sound like true friends. Just remember it’s better to have one really good friend than a bunch of friends that don’t recognize you very often, which you sound like you have two!

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